Last nights episode of "Eat It" - part A

I said before I was gonna tell you more about our favourite TV-show, "Eat It". Yesterdays episode was hilarious. The contestant was a dude just like you and me, a bit chubby, but otherwise he seemed pretty normal, except he had a nervous tic in his left eyelid, and a slight studder pronouncing the "k-sound".

-So, Steve, are you ready to take the challenge today?
-Certainly.
-And do you have any special plan you will try and carry out?
-Not really. But I am in urgent need of c-cash, so I'm gonna play for high stakes, that's for sure!
-Well, bear in mind we had some cash-hungry dudes and broads on the show before, and some of them have been lucky, some haven't. Viewers may recall Tommy from Bridgeport CT, who, after going for a fridge worth $7.500, struggled with half a gallon of syrup, 6 cubes of yeast, 30 cans of root beer, 13 links of Jimmy Dean pork sausage, 18 slices of Louis Rich Turkey Bacon and five water melons.
-I fucking know man, I saw that and almost puked myself. But growing up in this vast country, I've learned that degrading oneself is an easy way of getting along and ahead. I'm ready for the challenge baby, bring it on dude!
-Ok buddy, step in the van, and we're off and away!

...

Stay tuned for more...

Manatees in RI

I've seen several bulletins on the fact that a manatee have been spotted just outside the coast of RI this summer. Different dudes react differently to this. Some say it's a vanguard seeking new habitats to roam once the global warming has kicked in big time, some say it's here because it's getting sick of witnessing buddies getting mutilated by fuckin' motorboats down in FL, some say it's not a manatee at all but really former first lady Barbara Bush spotted by some paparazzo when taking a sneaky swim... Some just say "glad it's here, feed it!". I, however know better that these dudes. This is nothing new here in RI. Rare, but not new nevertheless. This is the return of an old friend! Chessie, a manatee native of the warm waters of the Mexican Gulf that had been seen by the coast of VA, took the plunge a few years back and swam all the way up to RI. Now he's back, and I've got the evidence to prove it. Just check these pics, isn't it beyond doubt that this is the same manatee? Welcome back, distant traveller!

Back In the Shack!

Dudes and Duderines, James is freaking back. Been on a mind-bending roadtrip across large parts of the states this summer. Just haven't had time really to update the blog. Also, I was thinking, that since I wasn't actually IN the shack (which is basically the whole point of this blog - to depict my life in the shack), I would be betraying myself and my readers if I were to post stuff from outside the shack. So I waited... and waited... and finally returned from my glorious campaign across this vast country! I've got shitloads of material to share, unique stuff from various places I've been to this summer. This has been the ride of my life, no fucking doubt ya'll. I'll start posting soon.

Just came back a couple of hours ago, so a bit weary right now. JITB on the way, then I'm gonna hit the sack. Later.

Philosophy in the shack (2)

Thinking about it, it becomes more and more obvious to me, that drugs broaden your mind. That discussion me and my buddy had on mites and the act of seeing, is by far the most profound shit we ever came up with. This insight has led me in on the path of introspection. I now closely scrutinice my brain-activity, so to speak, every time I hit the weed or the alcohol. So far it seems absolutely clear to me that my thoughts become more vivid, my creativity increases and soforth, as the drugs interact with my system. Someday I shall publish some results from this ongoing research project.

Anyway, guess you're all dying to find out how that discussion was concluded? After my philosophical objection to why my buddy couldn't hinder me from choosing mites as the furthest out shit I ever seen (read philosophy in the shack part 1), nothing was said for quite some time. A time during which lots of weed was burnt and lots of smoke inhaled. Finally my buddy went: "You're a deep fucker, aren't you?" I replied, with badly hidden complacence: "Yep, deeper that the fuckin' Baikal dude!" My buddy took another hit, put out the joint and said: "Well, listen to this then shithead: The act of seeing must mean that the brain processes the information taken in by the eye. The same goes for all the human senses. If you claim to see everything that passes your field of vision, then you would see gamma-rays and quarks and amoebas and god fuckin' knows what else dude. That would be like fuckin' Matrix dude! We know there's water in clouds, by do you see each drop as they leave the cloud and start to fall as rain? Same goes for hearing, but I won't ridicule you any more by stating examples. Game, set and fucking match dude! Drop the mites and choose something else dude." Man, was I surprised by my buddys hidden intellectual capacity! In fact, I think it's the first time he ever said more than two sentences in a row. Mites were not valid, I couldn't deny this anymore. I unscrewed a bottle of vodka, produced a photo from my pocket and put it under his nose: "Alright then, Einstein, I'll choose this fuckin' fish then dude!"

Crazy shit from back in the day. 1 - When we hijacked a ferris wheel

My buddy once said something sadly beautiful. (he's not stupid all the time!) He said: "James, don't say "screw the past". It's all we have. Nobody is certain to have a future, but everybody has a past." What he said made me revalue the thing we call "the past". Seems to be a good idea to cherish it, ponder upon it and re-live it as often as you can. Therefore, I shall offer all visitors of this site a chance once in a while to share moments from my past.

Today I tell you the story of when me and my buddy (yes, the very same buddy that share the shack with me) hijacked a ferris wheel. This was several years ago when our families went on vacation to Vermont. This is the state I was born in, so we often went there for holidays after moving to Providence. In those days we kept a house just outside St. Johnsbury, the same city where I grew up. Now on this occasion we were in that age when you most of all want to sneak out of your own house just to sneak into someone elses... Anyway, we actually had permission to go downtown for the annual funfair, and there stood erected a giant ferris wheel of course.

To make a long story short, we came up with a bloody hilarious scheme... When the ferris wheel was paused (empty of course), the dude managing it went to piddle. We followed him closely, and when he entered the little shack in which to piddle (a little room for staff only which needed a key to get in), I stepped in after him and said: "-Yo dude, some wierd bug just crawled up under your jacket man." "-Oh really?" "-Yeah dude, bugs are creepy dude, better strip the jacket and get rid of it man." He took his jacket off, and this is where the scheme could have failed... "-You just go ahead and do what you came here for dude, I'll just step outside and shake the bug out of your jacket for you!" I've always been told I look trustworthy and innocent, and I guess for that reason, he gave me the jacket and managed his business. A few seconds later, I wore a yellow jacket with the text "St. Johnsbury annual funfair" written on the back of it. I also had a key to operate the ferris wheel. The dude was locked in the pee-shack, and we proceeded to accomplish our plan.

Just a minute later, the first cart was filled with people, and the ferris wheel started to move! Some five minutes later it was practically full of people, and I found that you actually could alter the speed of the wheel! I turned the speed up to max. It was still pretty slow in my opinion, but some of the passengers got a bit scared. Round and round they went, and I just let the wheel spin! My buddy cheered me on: "-Haha, yeah dude, spin that sucker dude!" Some chicks and old dudes began to shout they wanted out of the wheel, but we sneaked behind it and in among some shacks, dropped the jacket with the keys and all, and just hit the fucking road dude! We ran across a field, and as we entered the woods we heard a great deal of ruckus and panicked screams from afar... Sweat poured, smoke was inhaled, hysterical laughs rose and died out in the chilly forest...

Philosophy in the shack (1)

Yesterday my buddy asked me: "What do you hold to be the furthest out shit you've ever seen, or, to put it differently, name something that leaves you astonished after seeing it". At first I just stared at him, somewhat startled by his odd way of expressing himself (I think he needs to get out of the shack to get some fresh air, but we all know that's not gonna happen. You simply don't violate the dudes' code of honor. Once you're in the shack, you stay in the shack.) Well anyway, my first response was: "Well, the mere existence of mites are brutally shocking, but since the human eye can't see it, I don't know if that qualifies if I am to take your question literally..." He said that, strictly speaking, it should not count, since it's true that they aren't visible to the eye. A moment of silence followed, after which I came up with something I found really profound: " We all know there are loads of mites in my bed right? There must be, my bedclothes haven't been washed for freaking ages dude!" (I won't get coarse on a public blog, but we all know what these microscopic creatures feed on, right? Well, whatever it is, I can assure you there's loads of it in my bed!) I went on: "Well, if we KNOW there are armies of these hideous beings crawling around where I sleep, then, if I were to let my eyes wander over the whole area of the bed, doesn't that mean that lots of mites MUST pass my field of vision, although my eye doesn't detect them in the way we normally mean when we speak of the act of seeing stuff? I mean, These things doubtlessly enter my field of vision, doesn't that mean I see them dude?" A few moments of solemn silence struck the shack... The joint switched hands a couple of times...

If you wanna know my buddys' response, and how the whole discussion ended, be sure to visit us soon again!






One of my bedmates

Do we ever leave the shack?

Quite a few dudes (and hopefully some girls as well) may very well ask themselves: -Do these dudes ever leave their shack?

Thing is we very seldom do. That's basically the whole point. We stay in the shack. There are indications however, that something radical is about to happen for the two dudes in the shack. I shall not reveal anything yet, I'll just let you guys cultivate your curiosity for a while before I tell you.

I got a mail from a dude in Albany OR who asked me how we get food into the shack since we rarely step outside the shack. He claimed he also mainly sits around in his shack, but he's got:

A. A submissive girlfriend who gladly runs errands for him.
B. Jack in the box just a few blocks away. Delivery only takes 10 minutes he claims.

Jack in the box is really huge in the western parts of the States, but out here the closest one is in fucking Charlotte NC dude! (check picture, the blue areas have JITB) It's cool though, lately me and the other dude are really into Pizza Hut. The picture at the bottom shows there are loads of Pizza Huts around Providence. They deliver at the door as well. There are also some Indians and Vietnamese/Chinese/Japanese in every other corner who cook for us. They deliver of course. These people came from thousands of miles away, why should they refuse to walk or ride a bike a few blocks if a dude is hungry?

When my stupid buddy sat on my camera...

Yesterday me and the other dude in the shack sat around waiting for our favorite TV program to start. "Eat It" is a show where a contestant gets taken to different shacks, where he/she is being asked if he/she (oh, fuck the slash business, yesterday it was a fat dude from Ohio, so I'll just write "he") thinks he can eat everything that's in the fridge within the shack.He makes the decision from judging by the exterior of the shack whether he thinks he can finish up whatever is in the fridge of that same shack. Shabby shack equals imminent possibility of lots of leftovers, such as mould-fungus stricken steaks, decayed vegetables and sour dairy-products etc. Classy shacks belong to classy dudes, therefore their fridge is often basically (more or less) a pleasure to deal with. He also gets a clue about every shack (he can skip up to 4 shacks, the 5th he must enter) and what may await him in the shacks fridge, from hearing how many benjamins each shack is worth. The whole point is basically: "Empty the fridge, get the money." So if a shack is worth let's say 10 grand, it's likely you get a really nasty fridge to deal with. (10 grand is a fucking shitload in this show, it's quite low-budget). The problem is, if you chicken out on a fridge which contents could render you some serious cash, then the rest of the shacks might just be worth a couple of hundreds.

I shall tell you more about this show another time, but the point with this post was really to tell you that when we sat around waiting for the show to start, my stupid buddy sat down on the floor ON MY CAMERA! Thus, the camera together with the pictures I had taken from our shack were destroyed under the weight of my dumb pals ass. That is why we haven't published any pictures here yet, and that is exactly why we can't publish any until he gets me a new camera.

We're basically two dudes in a shack...

We are two dudes from Providence, RI, who basically (more or less) just hang out in our shack. We decided some nights ago after we finished our second bottle of Vodka that we'd start appearing on a blog.

We'll try and post some far-out-shit for the viewers every once in a while.

So go ahead and mark us a favourite, and get an unique chance to see what life is like for two dudes in a shack!